Own Me
Got a stack of books so I could learn how to live
many are left half read, covered by the cobwebs on my shelf
and i got a list of laws growing longer everyday
and if i keep plugin away
maybe one day i will perfect myself
oh but all of my labor
seems to be in vain
and all of my laws just cause me more pain
so i fall before you with all of my shame
ready and willing to be changed
own me
take all that i am
and heal me
with the blood of the lamb
mold me
with your gracious hand
break me until im only yours
own me
oh you call me daughter
and you take my blame
and you run to meet me
when i cry out your name
so i fall before you in all of my shame
Lord i am willing to be changed
own me
take all that i am
and heal me
with the blood of the lamb
mold me
by your gracious hand
break me until im only yours
own me
Friday, December 29, 2006
Thursday, December 28, 2006
oh what a song
In a little while from now,
If I'm not feeling any less sour
I promised myself to treat myself
And visit a nearby tower,
And climbing to the top,
Will throw myself off
In an effort to make it clear to who
Ever what it's like when your shattered
Left standing in the lurch, at a church
Where people 're saying,
"My God that's tough, she stood him up!
No point in us remaining.
May as well go home."
As I did on my own,
Alone again, naturally
To think that only yesterday,
I was cheerful, bright and gay,
Looking forward to, but who wouldn't do,
The role I was about to play
But as if to knock me down,
Reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch,
Cut me into little pieces
Leaving me to doubt,
All about God and His mercy
For if He really does exist
Why did He desert me
In my hour of need?
I truly am indeed,
Alone again, naturally
It seems to me that
There are more hearts
Broken in the world
That can't be mended
Left unattended
What do we do? What do we do?
Now looking back over the years,
And what ever else that appears
I remember I cried when my father died
Never wishing to have cried the tears
And at sixty-five years old,
My mother, God rest her soul,
Couldn't understand, why the only man
She had ever loved had been taken
Leaving her to start with a heart
So badly broken
Despite encouragement from me
No words were ever spoken
And when she passed away
I cried and cried all day
Alone again, naturally
Alone again, naturally
If I'm not feeling any less sour
I promised myself to treat myself
And visit a nearby tower,
And climbing to the top,
Will throw myself off
In an effort to make it clear to who
Ever what it's like when your shattered
Left standing in the lurch, at a church
Where people 're saying,
"My God that's tough, she stood him up!
No point in us remaining.
May as well go home."
As I did on my own,
Alone again, naturally
To think that only yesterday,
I was cheerful, bright and gay,
Looking forward to, but who wouldn't do,
The role I was about to play
But as if to knock me down,
Reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch,
Cut me into little pieces
Leaving me to doubt,
All about God and His mercy
For if He really does exist
Why did He desert me
In my hour of need?
I truly am indeed,
Alone again, naturally
It seems to me that
There are more hearts
Broken in the world
That can't be mended
Left unattended
What do we do? What do we do?
Now looking back over the years,
And what ever else that appears
I remember I cried when my father died
Never wishing to have cried the tears
And at sixty-five years old,
My mother, God rest her soul,
Couldn't understand, why the only man
She had ever loved had been taken
Leaving her to start with a heart
So badly broken
Despite encouragement from me
No words were ever spoken
And when she passed away
I cried and cried all day
Alone again, naturally
Alone again, naturally
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
maybe
maybe i should read all my journals and blog posts and diaries. and when im done i should read all the letters i have. and then maybe the cards. and then maybe after that i'll remember who i am or who i used to be or who i was supposed to be. or maybe it'll be gutwrenching stink. or maybe it'll reduce me to the mouse who stole the cheese and couldn't fit it throught the mousehole. or maybe i'll just cry and cry til the cows come home and get milked and then go out to graze again. maybe it might be good to face myself again. last dec 27 was just as bad okay it was probably worse. who's the pot and who's the kettle.
perhaps today
perhaps today
today i'll have the guts to say what i really mean what i really feel
but every day i've been doing that
a little too much and at the wrong time
so today i got what i deserved
i don't suppose now's a good time to ask
can i take a trip to watch phantom and then some
so much for that
looks like i wont get to book in advance after all
you see why i didnt wanna get all excited and stuff
so now the jam's outta my doughnut
you could say
perhaps today
but no now it's for real
no degree what can i be if i'm out on the streets
and i hate the t accounts the banks might bore me to tears
even at pen ads they shunned me
i wonder why
to this day i wonder
no car to be some marketing fluff
some sales trainee pulling a bluff
and after all it is penang
and i am picky and how will i even get there by 9am?
take a bus unless its in town beg a ride from the bro
and how will i sever the ties that bind
oh wait they've done it for me
but thats the farm i want
gimme the pigs gimme the hay
scrap i want most but oh what the hey
perhaps today
a break might be good
if only i had peace of mind
a piece of my mind
is shorn torn forlorn
perhaps today a break will be good
if it weren't here perhaps
cause a break right here only feels broken
so much for that
perhaps they're hiring at that new mall
gawd knows they need better banners
but its almost an island away well half at least
perhaps i should stop thinking and sleep til new york brings you home
and i stop spilling my guts
today i'll have the guts to say what i really mean what i really feel
but every day i've been doing that
a little too much and at the wrong time
so today i got what i deserved
i don't suppose now's a good time to ask
can i take a trip to watch phantom and then some
so much for that
looks like i wont get to book in advance after all
you see why i didnt wanna get all excited and stuff
so now the jam's outta my doughnut
you could say
perhaps today
but no now it's for real
no degree what can i be if i'm out on the streets
and i hate the t accounts the banks might bore me to tears
even at pen ads they shunned me
i wonder why
to this day i wonder
no car to be some marketing fluff
some sales trainee pulling a bluff
and after all it is penang
and i am picky and how will i even get there by 9am?
take a bus unless its in town beg a ride from the bro
and how will i sever the ties that bind
oh wait they've done it for me
but thats the farm i want
gimme the pigs gimme the hay
scrap i want most but oh what the hey
perhaps today
a break might be good
if only i had peace of mind
a piece of my mind
is shorn torn forlorn
perhaps today a break will be good
if it weren't here perhaps
cause a break right here only feels broken
so much for that
perhaps they're hiring at that new mall
gawd knows they need better banners
but its almost an island away well half at least
perhaps i should stop thinking and sleep til new york brings you home
and i stop spilling my guts
Monday, December 18, 2006
tis the season to be jolly
christmas cards all lined up. these were all sold though, sorry my cards to you folks don't look like these=(.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
bricolage
so i posted this some months back on my scrap blog. which has been collecting dust. surprise surprise.. just thought i'd share it with you guys. this is what i've been up to more or less though in a more business building aspect.
Bri-co-lage. Noun -something that is made or put together with whatever materials happen to be available
I like this word because firstly it has so much meaning apart from the whole scrapbook concept, like making something out of my life with whatever I have and also because it also means collage like what I have been making and fiddling with all these years making collages.
so what is it about scrapbooking or collages for that matter? well,scrapbooking seems like a much more organized and focused way of pulling together bits and pieces that collectively say something and express something you feel, whether visually or through the words. an embroidery of emotions meant to capture the story behind the photos and preserve the moments forever in your own way.
so i scrap. funny ain't it? the word scrap. conventionally taken to mean remnants or discards or waste material. in this blog and in this world of scrapbooking that i have been dipping my toes into, the word scrap takes on a much more positive quality. you scrap because you want to cherish something; a person, a moment, an event, you scrap because you see that bit of extra-ordinary in that something and in doing so you always come out of it happier and more grateful to have something to scrap about. especially when in the process you let yourself go and let yourself be creative.
and so now, apart from all the things i am, i am a scrapbooker. and i am only loving it more and more. getting to share it with other people on a regular basis, (hopefully, increasingly regular) through the shop i work at, only makes me appreciate it more. thank you for grabbing my hand and leading me to this wonderland. it's a lovely something to share with you...
blog
why is it that i always resist blogging? so many times i say to myself ah i wanna blog bout this or that and then in the end i dont bother. sometimes i think nah who wants to read my boring crap.
like how last sunday i was going to blog about my solitary trip to the market and how the kiam chye man was off having chinese tea with his mates, like some chinese mafia type leading a double life. or how last last friday i stayed back to work at the scrapbook shop til 1030pm and had chapati and crab curry for dinner with bro in little india and came out smelling like bollywood.
or how i went cycling and felt like i could fly with the birds in the wind.
or like how sometimes for no specific reason other than the wearing down of one's spirit, one can suddenly feel so empty and then bounce right back up the very next day with the right amount of positive attention (japanese buffet helps too).
because more often than not nobody really understands so i'd rather keep it all to myself than be misunderstood. the other day i asked sher whether she still keeps a journal and she said no she has a blog. huh. my blog barely contains all the things i wanna pen down. not that ive been keeping in time with my journaling either but with that medium, no one is going to get bored to tears.
perhaps that's why. and probably until i can feel that the line that links me to my readers is not a jagged fray, my blogging will be spasmodic bits of uncontroversial nuances of life.
but now that i've picked up, allow me to say that time is hurtling towards me. christmas is upon us and i'm not ready. usually this season is for me my favourite time of year, it still is but i seem to be too busy to slowly savour it. i have only just today started and finished making my own christmas cards to send out (after making 400 to sell at the xmas bazaar) and if not for that one whirlwind xmas shopping day that fine sunday i would probably be so behind on my present hunting. they're not wrapped yet though. at least i finished mummy's bday card in time.
been hanging with sarah quite a bit. yesterday she says, how come ur so nice today? and i say im always nice to u, you just don't see it. then she says, but you're extra nice today. that girl is growing up so darn fast. sigh.
so i hear there's a borders in the new mall. i am thrilled. not just for me but for the penang reading community at large. can't wait to hit the mall.
a common phrase i often sound out these days is "i feel old". i do man. i probably have grown up a lot this past year...
like how last sunday i was going to blog about my solitary trip to the market and how the kiam chye man was off having chinese tea with his mates, like some chinese mafia type leading a double life. or how last last friday i stayed back to work at the scrapbook shop til 1030pm and had chapati and crab curry for dinner with bro in little india and came out smelling like bollywood.
or how i went cycling and felt like i could fly with the birds in the wind.
or like how sometimes for no specific reason other than the wearing down of one's spirit, one can suddenly feel so empty and then bounce right back up the very next day with the right amount of positive attention (japanese buffet helps too).
because more often than not nobody really understands so i'd rather keep it all to myself than be misunderstood. the other day i asked sher whether she still keeps a journal and she said no she has a blog. huh. my blog barely contains all the things i wanna pen down. not that ive been keeping in time with my journaling either but with that medium, no one is going to get bored to tears.
perhaps that's why. and probably until i can feel that the line that links me to my readers is not a jagged fray, my blogging will be spasmodic bits of uncontroversial nuances of life.
but now that i've picked up, allow me to say that time is hurtling towards me. christmas is upon us and i'm not ready. usually this season is for me my favourite time of year, it still is but i seem to be too busy to slowly savour it. i have only just today started and finished making my own christmas cards to send out (after making 400 to sell at the xmas bazaar) and if not for that one whirlwind xmas shopping day that fine sunday i would probably be so behind on my present hunting. they're not wrapped yet though. at least i finished mummy's bday card in time.
been hanging with sarah quite a bit. yesterday she says, how come ur so nice today? and i say im always nice to u, you just don't see it. then she says, but you're extra nice today. that girl is growing up so darn fast. sigh.
so i hear there's a borders in the new mall. i am thrilled. not just for me but for the penang reading community at large. can't wait to hit the mall.
a common phrase i often sound out these days is "i feel old". i do man. i probably have grown up a lot this past year...
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