Friday, January 30, 2009

you show up

somedays you go to work a little late, a little less put together, a little less eyeliner. like none, really.
you trudge along. to the workplace. a little less motivated, a little less focused, a little less of a workaholic.
you surf, and browse and bang out a random poem in 5 minutes.

I was born to live
I was born to love
I was born to be
The one that you deserve
I was born to thrive
I was born to bloom
I was born to smile
And lead you from your gloom
I was born to hold you
And keep you in my heart
I was born to breathe you in
And exhale works of art
I was born to shine
I was born to glean
I was born to make a life
That would something mean
I was born to live
I was born to love
I was born to be
The one that you deserve

and then it's time for lunch. you soak in the break even as you begin to feel, break from what, exactly?
guilt seeps in, in little beads. what have you done so far to deserve the pay you just banked in today. in the morning, before the weekend, which is why you were late in the first place. you keep your wallet closed like a mouth encasing gold, so you're richer for longer. so the pay day glow lasts.
you bank it all in, a sore lesson after having been robbed on pay day 2 months before. your mind dreams and roams and still, at work, you do minimally. work that is.

somedays you go to work, with a little less inclination to do your job. nothing urgent, nothing pending, nothing requires your innate skill.
but at least, you show up...

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

dreaming with a broken heart...

if who i am is what i have, and what i have is lost then who am i?

and what if what i've lost are not mere possessions? but a huge part of your soul?
and you know not how to mend the gaping hole, the bridge you burned to walk your own path.
you dream and your aching heart roams in a parallel world.

john mayer wrote a song," dreaming with a broken heart". he says of the song, it's about how you've had a fallout with someone and in your dreams all is well, then you wake up and realize man, that person still hates me..."

i liked the song long ago, never realized it'd end up resonating with me so well.


namecards...

after many weeks of meetings, concerts, networking sessions (and a primary school reunion) of meeting various who's whos in the industry and beyond, our HIGHLY dependable and EFFICIENT printers (ask me who not to use next time!) have delivered my new namecards.
this is not my first or second namecard, but it is the first that isn't under a company which belongs to my parents. haha. o joy.

and now to seek out the ideal namecard case, which will embody professionalism, class and a tinge of my individual personality with a touch of quirkiness. and can fit at least 10 cards at a time. think i can get one for sgd5? heh. 

anyone wants my namecard??=)

p.s the above post was written in a state of delirium brought on by acute flu n sinus attack. please ignore all degrees of nonsensicality. 

Sunday, January 04, 2009

in the span between then and now







much has happened.
this is the biggest understatement.
my life has changed drastically.
i did it.
God did it.
they allowed it.


i travelled quite a bit. like a whole lot in fact when juxtaposed with my total travellers' miles in the 24 years before.

there was new zealand. 
oh the sights. the scenery.
there was the travel bit. and the journey itself. (spiritual journey as that fashion designer from london says) with my emotional baggage.
and the finally visiting marie leg of the trip which was sublime.
so many things about this trip was sublime.
so much so that the stories from here will form my first book. (no joke)







other travels included kl, kuantan, jakarta. my first visit to indonesia really, to rebuild family ties with someone and taste the life there. caught up a fair bit with old old friends in kl and had  a great time doing so. 

i have relocated to singapore. awaiting my return to university come august. meanwhile i have a job. a rather decent one too. celebrated a milestone. 

all the while, adjusting, adapting. spanning my wings. i carry in my heart, a heavy bag of sadness. i try to stuff it deep, wedge it away so i can breathe. so i can live. so i can move on and slowly think of how to make amends. how to mend bridges. 

during the new zealand trip, the pain was at its most intense, nay it comes back sometimes in sudden spurts, but then it was fresh, it was new, it was raw. and all i could do was look around at the beauty. surrounding. every corner of that land. and see God's big smiling face.
and then i could rise above it. 

and then there was christmas. i desperately tried to recreate some semblance of christmas as i knew it. and it was ok. christmas was alright.


it is a new year now. i have had my say. what little i could muster. it is far from fixed. but i can look ahead. to brighter times in that particular pasture and thank my God for bringing my through.
for still putting bright lights and pillars of hugs in my way. good friends old and new. near and far. and my patient perpetual companion. 

it is a new year now. 
and in the span between then and now.
much has happened.

here's wishing all of you a fabulous 2009!