when i woke up on sunday,my bed was shaking.my room door trembled so loudly i thought someone was knocking on the door.i kept saying "come in".turns out it was because of an earthquake in indonesia.that morning more than my physical surroundings were shaken.my results were released hours after the quake,the results of my 1st semester at NUS.and it was quite earth shattering as well.i got way below the minimum CAP required for an Asean scholar such as I.i knew I had done less than my best this semester but didn’t expect to do that badly.it was a wake up call and strangely enough,I thank God for it.
there have been countless times in my life when things don’t go my way just so I’d wake up,look up and realize that I cannot do anything on my own.there’s a verse in the Bible that says,”apart from me you can do nothing”.and it is when I take things into my own hands where things get messed up.this was my dream.getting a scholarship to NUS,going off to study on my own to somewhere fun like Singapore.and i basically blew it.i took off and tried to fly but I didn’t soar.and now I will spend my next 7 semesters(if I truly pull it off next sem by amazingly pulling up my CAP to keep the scholarship) slogging my ass off and truly making myself deserve the scholarship and the chance to live my dreams.
The tragedy of yesterday’s earthquake and the tidal waves further augmented my trauma.in some way.and the aftershock has barely begun to leave its effects.already I have been feeling so very isolated from myself,listless and inwardly berating myself.the task at hand of drastically catapulting my grades out of the abyss only reminds me how foolishly I’ve thrown my chances away and how very different things could have been.
should have been..
”forgetting what is behind,straining towards what is ahead..” and now,humility is a lesson along with a host of others.
a song which spoke to me.part of it..
“…own me
take all that i am
and heal me
with the blood of the lamb
mould me
with your gracious hand
break me until im only yours
own me
oh you call me daughter
and you take my blame
and you run to meet me
when i cry out your name
so i fall before you in all of my shame
Lord i am willing to be changed
own me
take all that i am
and heal me
with the blood of the lamb
mould me
by your gracious hand
break me until im only yours
own me..”
and taking the lens into a bigger focus,i pray for the families of those tragically affected by the quake and tsunamis.for peace that passes all understanding and comfort in their hour of need..
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3 comments:
After speaking to you on the phone, I am more than convinced you're the person I have missed most and often seeking for here. Padapapapa...
This afternoon, as we spoke about the presents you received for Christmas, I cannot help but wander back to those days where we would discuss wardrobes. I have never been to your house - and yet I have seen it a thousand times in my imagination. I think about your clothes, your desk, your notes, your wallet, your books, your photos...so weird, but true. I can picture it now in my head, the way I would want I-Mei's room to be. I guess one of the things that will never change about me, us; is my fascination with the very person that you are.
Did that sound like I was a lesbian? Ok, actually, I hate you. : P.
huhh??
wow... sounds interesting... but do take care!!! see u in Singapore... i believe u really had fun last sem... work harder next sem...u can be "sherry" so u can definitely full yr CAP up... k... c u ard!
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