massive purge

in order of things i've been wanting to blog about. my mouse died. i got a cheapo rm25 replacement for purely functional reasons (you know how girls would always go for the prettiest looking mouse or speakers but this time i had to be practical.

this is what my old mouse looked like. i got it from sim lin in singapore years ago.
this is how it died...
and this is my new hideous wonder. sigh.


i've finally got the latest mandy moore album i've been waiting for.
there's a song on it called all good things and at first i thought it was such a nice happy song. but then it's all good things..come to an end. how apt. no? sigh. i also got nelly furtado, and i can't help liking the music on this one despite the highly sexually charged lyrics on some. hey, i like the beats, k. next i will be buying timbaland. and of course, no trip to the mall is complete without getting a few dvds to shake my weekend up.
this last weekend i got started with designing xmas cards for santa's workshop to get going.



it's that time of year again. i also managed to scrap this.
and took my sister out for a movie, Hairspray and some shopping, just me and her. it was swell. this is probably the start of a new level in our relationship, a new phase as she gets older.

hung out a lot with my folks. maybe so i wasn't so alone. but then i watch my movies and of course every romantic scene reminds me of what we had(have?), and the uncertainty of it all.

and now i am down with the doggone flu. shucks.

........

when words fail...

learning to breathe

"Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering."

this post was going to start off completely differently. but then i came across the above quotation. i spend the end of each day these days, alone in my bed, grappling for comforts of the past and my now elusive hold of the future. i sleep earlier but it is a fitful sleep. and i think my heart is crying.

perhaps i should chant to myself;
live in the present, live in the present.
but in my present, he is not here. and i don't know where he'll be in the future. which is what sparked this whole trauma, of course.

for now, i shall just learn to breathe. and focus on other things in my present and my chosen future. my career, the business i am helping to build, the craft i am honing. think of how to garner more income. think of how to be a better daughter, sister, friend. think of how to be nicer, kinder, better, stronger. healthier, even.

it is harder to breathe now. and the tears store themselves in my imposed cement refuge.

but i am still me. ain't i?
and i am okay. by myself. aren't i?
this is the goal. to say i am. no matter what.