or am i standing still..?

have you ever had the feeling when your mind along with evrything else around you tells you something,tries to shove you towards a general direction,a particular action..the air is pregnant with the reminder,coaxing you..,the season is just right..in fact the sands of time swiftly glide through your very fingers,as if that wasnt enough ,the hands of the clock tick increasingly loudly,its rhythm fast blending into a loud blare in your head,encroaching into the very recesses of your mind and...all you seem to be doing about it is .....
absolutely nothing.i mean the time and thought spent on the looming fear greatly outweighs the actual time doing something about it.

it makes me wonder.have i deceived myself into thinking that i have always been focused,and self-motivated,unconsciously driven by the need and desire to capitalize on whatever skills and gifts i believe myself to possess.or does fear and the possiblity of letting myself down further induce complacency..and numbness to an extent.sigh.so many things make me wonder these days.its like im taking stock of some of the things that i have subscribed to all this while and questioning the basis of it all.

all i know is..that im not so sure what i know anymore.sigh.who am i?am i still me?of course i am,right.i've always been sure of who i am.or have i?and does having always been something denote continuing to always be that.no question,no doubt,no uncertainty?and do question actually guarantee answers,.after all you can't know the answers till you learn to question..right?well,i think so.

somehow i always manage to pick up momentum and take flight and soar,not because of me..but because of God.but surrender without the act of giving up control is nothing.so,time passes.pages flip,exam papers are probably being printed.i refuse to be stagnant,i refuse to be complacent.but please oh please,..will the rest of me comply and stop standing still...