merdeka day

before composing this post i read what i blogged about last merdeka day. it is fun to see progress, change, growth. perhaps i'm achieving my own independence. today i feel good about myself, about my life. i've gone on at great lengths about merdeka over here so i shan't walk down that road again.
with one area of my life, a huge area really, one that i delineate much time and effort and energy and mostly heart to; things seems, heck, things are shaky and uncertain but perhaps (at least for now), i can be strong and have faith. i want to be... self-sufficient, in a way that no one can take away my sense of self, my sense of worth. i want to be able to face anything and still have myself intact. self. what a strange concept. someone wise once told me that in finding one's self, you would ultimately find that there is no crystallized self to be discovered.
i hate the feeling of thinking myself victimised, or oppressed. whatever choices, whatever life, i choose. chose. was chosen for. it is true, being overemotional does put one at a disadvantage. and oversentimental. and too romantic. oh give me sense, more sense and sensibility.
i have rekindled a friendship with an old classmate. isn't that nice? especially when even before it was a somewhat volatile friendship, to have suddenly each grown up to fit into each other's lives and be able to understand each other and be understood. this morning, we woke up early on our public holiday, went to the botanical gardens to walk, then pop over to the wet market to have breakfast and for me to do the marketing. she even helped me carry my fish and veg. thank God for friends. i had a great time and all before 10am. thanks dee.
went home, showered. cooked lunch for my family. ate said lunch. helped sarah plan her study timetable. (now this is one thing i have a knack for) she shared with me high school musical 2 tunes, and then begged me to let her give me a makeover. in other words, put make up on my face. then i did hers. and we took pictures. i am glad for spending time together without her getting hostile. so that's what this 14 year old is into now. make up. hmm. sigh. growing up too fast.
there is still light left in the day and i'm going to help dad scrub down garden urns while he and bro plant trees into our barren garden. the day is turning out deliciously. though i fear tomorrow. and what it may or may not bring. and how i should or can react. and whether hearts will be broken, and if so, whose?
but for now i will give thanks for this day. for independence. for peace. for my nation. for my family. for friends. for my hair that now takes me only 1 minute to do every morning;). and for everything my God has brought me through and will...

in 2 days i will live in a palace, with a view

just because i wanna keep the momentum going.
in my attempt to blog regularly. i count this as tuesday night ,k so this is a daily occurence now.
drove home alone today. solitude is sometimes a luxury, especially when driving.
drove to the new place, greeted by classical music playing. so posh. so exciting. curtains all up, the living room feels like it could be a ballroom in a jane austen book, but not in an old fashioned way. i can't wait to live there. in 2 days i will. my eyes tear as i look around at the home my folks have provided for us. (not entirely rent free=p) did i already say i can see the sea from my room balcony?
dinner with folks which included steamed fish, which is always a luxury. then home to pack, and make boxes and cut up bubble wrap eventhough i was pooped.
showered again at 1 am, and in the shower it hit me that my blog is linked to my facebook. which is a little troubling, as now my inner sometime geek-ness is now exposed to my elite facebook entourage.
crikey.
but oh what the heck.
i peeked at my baby sister sleeping today. which doesn't happen so often these days. she isn't so baby these days, she is nearly as tall as me. she is a teenager. in sleep she is the sweetest thing on earth, awake she could be. sometimes.

voyeur

the dictionary function on my microsoft word for mac makes me giggle as i look for the exact definition of my title. so as not to twitch noses, or raise eyebrows. nevertheless, i'm sticking with it.

curious?

voyeur.
look it up.
and don't be cheeky.

tiptoed a little beyond my regular daily links on the world wide web. chanced upon some interesting blogs, there are people who i can relate to after all, whom i actually know but never knew that well. you see what having someone's blog url can do; direct access.
eye opener; people (regular type people not attention seeking whores from pre-adolescence) freely discuss their brazilians in their blogs! shocker. nyuk nyuk.
then again there are those like me whose blogs are like convoluted mazes whisking through mere sneaks and peeks of the true person behind such opaque ramblings. so much for direct access. care for a puzzle anyone?

so what does this tell me?

write more.
be real. attempt to not hang the veil so thickly over my words.
in simple words..don't care so much what people think.
yet its scary isn't it? i'm not as thick skinned as you may think. you may write something, share something, never knowing who'll read it and what they'll make of it.
tricksey.

mei needs a social life.
i make too many excuses for myself and haven't yet mastered the art of being useful and ever present during the weekend and catering to domestic necessities and also having family time while having me time. my weekends aren't very long after all. perhaps after the move. but then i'll love the house and my room EVEN more. more reasons to stay home on a saturday night.

now this ain't so hard. i used to say i want to blog everyday, then i'd make it so evry post is an event in itself, and the censoring, dear Lord, takes forever. by that i mean omitting the personal details, to protect the privacy of the people around me, the place i work etc. so complicated! hiak.

i do feel a slight ever so slight sense of liberation now. i can write more and try to worry less.

some things to smile about today:
got my moleskine prizes in the mail
had a mini karaoke session with sarah=p

is there an artist inside you?

Artmakr Weekend!

When was the last time you picked up a brush, or a pencil, or a crayon?

How did that feel? Whether you think back to yesterday, or many many years ago, you probably recall a feeling of pure freedom and bliss. This is an invitation to feel that bliss again, and to show your art, in-front of an encouraging and supporting audience. A safe audience. This is also an invitation, to be that audience.

Introducing: Artmakr Weekend!

An online themed art exhibition, that YOU are invited to participate in. Stick-men and Master Paintings are all welcome to mingle with one another. See you there!

Still here?Great, help us extend this invitation, by re-posting this article on your blog, or emailing it to your artist friend (we know you have one)
Is there an artist inside you? We think so.

Create!

my blog was getting boring

my blog was getting boring. so i put up some pictures of a recent project. using elsie's amazing toby range from the love,elsie collection. elsie flannigan is an inspiration to me, every time i read her blog or browse her layouts i am spurred on. her photos are phenomenal. mine are crap a lot of the time.
sigh.
well, we all gotta start somewhere.
needless to say, i have been busy with work, and preparing to move house with my family. nevertheless i am intent on blogging more and letting my blog reflect me more, the way these scrapbook celebs have theirs. as much as they are well known figures, i guess the scrapbooking clan are generally a down to earth species. the world wide web is seriously amazing cos u can read a scrapbook magazine then like a particular designer's style and her articles then google her on the net then keep her bookmark for a direct link to her life and times and scrapbooking lines. how neat is that? a little freaky too but hey times are a-changing.
am attempting to write more. i do dabble with BW
and been thinking of writing for this much more politically, socially potent platform for influential writing and will also maybe write for this booming new fabulous website from one of the founders of 30dayartist
apart from my day job. and other regular stuff regular adult 23 year olds do. then again not so regular since i'm a bit of an oddball.
on a totally unrelated point, i am so thrilled bout the new rapid penang buses. not that i have taken a public bus in penang for the past few years but that is exactly my point. the new buses seem very civilised! i am thrilled that penang is moving up in the public transportation area. whoohoo.
more to come...