keeping it real

throw caution to the wind and for once blog a post that hasn't been rehearsed,rewritten, or censored.write that indeed things are swirling everywhere, either that or its all a unified blurr.in the midst of the threshold of a new hope,a new plan, a new future,things still come hurtling by that sometimes you just want to crawl under your fluffy dependable wool blanket throw which you brought with you all rolled up straight from ikea to a certain hall on a certain campus, where you had to chuck it into the menacing shapeshifting washing machine and dry it on a nameless rack in a quad for all to see.the same blankie you lugged onto a 12-hr bus ride where your friend was so grateful you had the cow sense to be an auntie who's afraid of the numbing cold amidst the tamil music blaring in the 4am background.the same blankie that tucked you in, in all your confusion and chaos, in all your hope and fear and love and euphoria.the same blankie that you sadly squished back into the same suitcase you brought with you and half your world, to go home where you belong.the same blankie which you insist on sleeping with eventhough sometimes the cold overwhelms the warmth this trusty throw gives. that blankie.so sometimes you put aside your ambition and dreams and determination like putting it on pause for just a few minutes if possible and just want to hide under your fluffy dependable wool blanket throw and milk its comfort for all its worth and wish that the world would just seem a little less confusing and that that feeling of sinking blissfully into that zone can be preserved...

birthday musings

every year one sits and ponders and wonders. until no words come to mind..
it's just another day, another year. and yet, it isn't.
to those who know how much nice words mean to me today
and the thought that you remembered, thank you.

love,
aster

what i'm beginning to find fascinating..

An empty room is loaded with meaning, and with possibilities. The principles of design govern the life of the simplest room and transcend all style labels. When well understood and judiciously applied, they can transform blank space into a cherished abode…
SPACE: The first principle of architecture is space and how to set its limits in a way that expands our experience of openness rather than detracting from it. Accurately estimating the exact amount needed rather than simply requiring the maximum amount of space possible has become the most urgent requirement in the proper management of our personal environments. PROPORTION: Proportion is to architects what perspective is to painters: a way to create impressions far deeper and more experientially resonant than the physical world allows. Proportion is the geometry of space, and as such, its principles must be understood in order to take advantage of the full benefits it promises. LIGHT: Good lighting is a revelation. Through lighting-whether it is natural or artificial- the constant transformation of space is possible. The first step is to consider all the moods that come with the hours of the day in nature and then bring that richness to the interiors of the home. FUNCTION: Function is often deemed synonymous with modern design; and yet long before the American architect Louis Sullivan dictated that form should follow function, architects understood that function, in fact, has to do with many more operations than the merely mechanical. Emotional satisfaction is equally a function of good design. TEXTURE: In the most expanded sense of the word, texture defines the psychological depth of a room, its contrasts, and its richness of mood. Far more than the sum of materials used to cover furniture, texture is about combining visual experiences with tactile ones. COLOUR: Colour requires confidence and caution. It makes an immediate and lasting impression on the eye. It is the easiest—and least costly—way to transform a room, and the most daring. Before splashing a room with colour, remember that white is all colours blended in one and comes in its own wide range of shades. MEMORY & WIT: Few classic tomes would think to include memory and wit in their principles of design. And yet in the world of today, where individual personality is often lost to mass-produced convenience, expression with a sense of humour and generosity is perhaps one of the most important new principles of contemporary design.

and so it is..

I received my official letter yesterday. from nus.

“….Withdrawal From The University

I refer to your intention to withdraw from the course indicated below. This is to inform you that your withdrawal took effect from 6 January 2006….”
etc etc etc
no more nus email add. that was rather cool.
it is finished. i can officially move on. though i already have, this just closes that chapter. cleanly.
i've been wanting to go back to school and see some teachers who are now teaching my lil sister.
been afraid. how do i own that i've stopped my university education. that i could'nt keep my scholarship. specially after that speech i gave to my juniors after spm results.
funnily. the ones i had to tell were more than understanding. i felt that they knew me for more than that. that they didn't think i was in any way a failure. moreover, being teachers i thought they'd be like...WHAT?? WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU??
they weren't. and i'm glad. it is rather exciting having my lil sister go through the same school, same teachers, same activities as i went through, in an entirely different way, of course and an entirely different perspective.
i watch her and imagine the years between us, how similar our paths may be and yet how very different. good for her=p. she'd better not be like her big chi chi, she's got too much pizazz of her own...

a rose by any other name

Humungous arrays of bouquets, all wrapped up in layers and layers of coloured tissue wrappers, happy cutesy faces of miniature stuffed toys (teddies, doggies) peeking out from the bouquets.hmm, almost popping out from the heart of the bouquets. All laid out on the floor, waiting for valentine’s day to have their roses stuffed in and delivered.
I’m usually rather averse to Valentine’s Day and the whole idea of it (though I am a hopeless romantic) but these were really really cute.
Sheesh.
and this a day after i whine to my mum how silly people make valentine's day out to be. on radio they say, "valentine's day is just around the corner, you have to prove your love."
and the rest of the time?
it's just a day like any other. any day's just as good. to prove your love. or whatever. besides, with all that hype and expectation, someone's bound to get stressed out, or disappointed, to do too much or not enough. too much hype.

but the bouquets with the teddies were really cute!

walk on..

And love is not the easy thing
The only baggage that you can bring
Is all that you can't leave behind
Love is not the easy thing
The only baggage you can bring
Is all that you can't leave behind...

And if the darkness is to keep us apart
And if the daylight feels like it's a long way off
And if your glass heart should crack
And for a second you turn back
Oh no, be strong

Oh, oh
Walk on, walk on
What you got, they can't steal it
No, they can't even feel it
Walk on, walk on
Stay safe tonight

You're packing a suitcase for a place none of us has been
A place that has to be believed, to be seen
You could have flown away
A singing bird in an open cage
Who will only fly, only fly, for freedom

Oh, oh
Walk on, walk on
What you got, they can't deny it
Can't sell it, or buy it
Walk on, walk on
You stay safe tonight

And I know it aches
And your heart, it breaks
You can only take so much

Walk on...
Walk on...

Home...
Hard to know what it is, if you never had one
Home...
I can't say where it is, but I know I'm going
Home...
That's where the hurt is...

And I know it aches
And your heart, it breaks
And you can only take so much

Walk on...

Leave it behind
You got to leave it behind
All that you fashion
All that you make
All that you build
All that you break
All that you measure
All that you feel

All this you can leave behind
All that you reason
All that you sense
All that you scheme
All you dress-up
All that you've seen
All you create
All that you wreck
All that you hate

inexhaustible multiplicity of experience...

" and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand.."

it has been a while, and to me it feels like ages. i do feel like i have aged a lot in the past month or so. but i'm grateful that i've withstood it all, and am looking forward to something bright, living in a bit more brightness now, after a phase of darkness where all i could feel was a shadow hanging over me. life's lessons are never for nothing and harsh as they seem, every phase passes, as emily dickinson said, this too will pass.

i thank God for people who seem to understand, people who do understand and people who try to. the NUS life and everything surrounding it, was truly a kaleidoscope of experience for me, one i'll look back at with a whirlwind of emotions and a wealth of lessons.

people ask if i'm okay. hmm, interesting question. i am of course okay by now. i didnt feel okay for a time. but i will never be the same. (thank god for that, what are lessons for then if not to change us and to mould us)

even now words cannot convey what i feel, and what i have felt from that point till now, then, where my biggest fear actually came true, and now when its all beginning to make more sense, why my path got re-routed.

being offline has made me look to my journal a lot to let out all my thoughts and it has been refreshing, i intend to keep up the writing regularly eventhough i may not become a writer.

seemingly random thoughts..

anyways, happy chinese new year to all. have a happy and prosperous year=)

p/s.. the title..the inexhaustible multiplicity of experience is something one of my lecturers in nus kept raving about in twentieth century lit, it was one of the great modernist tendencies to go on about experience that can be revisited and which take on a different angle each time it is revisited..etc etc..=p

home..

“other things may change us but we begin and end with family..”


I’m home. And I’m gladder than ever to be home. Despite getting a bit restless sometimes, there truly is nothing like home. It has been a while since I last wrote and many of you, (sorry sher and min) have been getting empty promises form me to update. If you look through many other blogs, they seem to post most when exams are round the corner, perhaps to distract themselves and to seek relief from the boredom and monotony of studying. And once they’re free of exams their posts are few and far between. I’m proud to say I didn’t succumb to the twitches to blog during my exam month.
Despite it having been a make it or break it semester, the exams itself were rather painless as a whole and I truly thank God for that. Results shall be out in les than 5 days time and the whole thought of that has not left my mind since exams ended. Especially with the date looming closer and closer. Despite knowing that I have a very realistic shot at getting the grades I need, the fear of failure plagues me after my previous experiences with end of semester results at NUS. (wrings hands)
Moving on…

Is a holiday an end or a beginning? For me, holidays mark a journey. A journey home, a journey back to my roots, to my family and who I am. Maybe even a mental journey commenting on the past semester, months, weeks, days.
So is it a beginning or an end?
Both. The journey ironically serves as a transit between the two worlds, in my case, from chaos to order. Then again, in both worlds an element of the other tinges it.
So, somewhere in the clouds between who we were and who we’ve become we try to find ourselves again, all this in the transit forced upon by the seasonal ritual of going home for the holidays. At Christmastime, the journey is more poignant, especially as it comes at the end of the year. It is a time to question self and make room for growth. That’s what home is to me. A place to just be me. Ironically, it is also the place where I sometimes feel I can’t be me. Perhaps only because there are conflicting versions of me, a different version in each world I live in. this holidays, I’ve been found out. My disguise has been stripped off, and I am slowly looking forward to melding the two selves within me and reworking it into one I can be comfortable with.
Leaving home does stuff to you. You reinvent yourself. You take new risks, face new challenges. And when you go home again, the people who’ve known you the longest and deepest can see the incongruity. So you go back to your roots, and do a little pruning, add a little fertilizer. So that when you branch out again, you don’t lose sense of the soil you stem from.
So is it a beginning or an end?
Both. The beginning of a new way of looking at things and choosing to embrace the world, and an end to murkiness.

I’m home. And in being home, I’m learning to be more at home within myself.

30dayartist.blogspot.com

since i was a kid, i loved art. so did my brother. he even drew on the walls with crayons, to mummy's displeasure..or horror. we once did an art competiotion together. some environment thing i think. we've never been in the same category since when it comes to art. as the years wore on, his apparent talent and sheer hard work in letting his art unfurl its true potential rang of something much much more than my dabbling. now, years later. he's an artist. a true artist who's had his first solo art exhibition at 24.
a glimpse of some of his work. ..




for more, go to 30dayartist.blogspot.com where he's embarking on a project of painting 40 paintings in 30days while having his day job..*blink blink*

p/s..luv ya, ko=p

september birthday tributes..

bearing in mind how busy i am, gone are the days when i used to make specially handmade birthday cards. however i do still call, sms, send a funky hoopsandyoyo card (check them out at hoopsandyoyo.com). anyways, i know how min always has a whole entry for birthday tributes and i think thats soo cool.(too bad she hadn't started yet when it was my bday.sniff..march baby=p)
so..here's my version, in chronological order..

september 7, 1985

sharon lim shu fang
lit classmate and fellow en2101 and el2101 group member. a lovely girl who devotes her life to Christ. we did the silliest things to console ourselves when we didnt get A lit essays..yup. those ass-ays=p
happy birthday gal. love ya.

september 11, 1981

low wei zheng
the one who gets to hold my hand and my heart=p. an amazing, talented individual who dazzles all he meets, has a heart of gold and an exceptional mind. i could go on but heh, shy=p
happy birthday dearest. i love you.


september 24, 1984

christine peh su yin
classmate for two years, friend for longer. distance and separate lives have rendered our friendship outdated but i will always remember you, will always remember your birthday and will continue to hope for the best for you even as i hope we can meet up again soon and have the fun we used to=p. significant memory; sitting on the stairs near the high jump equipment while skipping accounts class in form 5 and talking bout 'deep' stuff. a real beauty who has real class.=). happy 21st gal! luv ya!


september 27, 1984

rueben james clarke
schoolmate for 2 years, fellow disciplinarian (haha), friend for longer. i've watch this handsome bloke grow from being such an ass into hmm, still a bit of an ass, nah but i do recall the change in which you seemed to have gained a truer, better heart or at least just chipped some of the ice around it away. a truly dynamic personality, natural leader, and im proud to say a good friend. oooh, a charmer too;) loves the mirror though, and his reflection=p..
happy 21st birthday ruebs.=D


september 29, 1984

stephanie chin chu yee
playmate in std 3, classmate in std 4, but our friendship blossomed after i left kl huh. so did her beauty. as you can see. she's beautiful on the inside too. and we have great fun with our gal nites, or outings(ooh, remember running out of ming court hotel in port dickson demanding to change hotel because we were convinced it was haunted=p). i missed many patches in your life dear, but well, many many years more to catch up, eh. happy 21st! luv ya..

" the journey between who we once were and who we are now becoming is where the dance of life really takes place.."

the long long road..II

so..a while back i was lamenting about the long long road and commiserating about how i got knocked off my pedestal by my own folly. yes, i was referring to my scholarship. after a tumultous period of self-doubt, self-berating, non-self berating=p, etc etc, time has brought me here and now. let me use the emails to tell the story..

From:
Sent: Thu 7/14/2005 11:45 AM
To:
Cc:
Subject: NUS/ASEAN UNDERGRADUATE SCHOLARSHIP 2004/2005

Ref: R29-196/56M

Dear Student

NUS/ASEAN UNDERGRADUATE SCHOLARSHIP 2004/2005

Under the rules of the NUS/ASEAN Undergraduate Scholarship, your scholarship award can be terminated if your progress in your course is not satisfactory. Scholars are expected to maintain a credible academic performance throughout their course of study.

In order to hold the scholarship award throughout your course of study, you must attain a Cumulative Average Point [CAP] of at least 3.50 in each semester. You have obtained a CAP of less than 3.50 in Semester 2 of Academic Year [AY] 2004/2005 and in one or more of the previous semester(s). Thus, your scholarship has been terminated with effect from AY2005/2006.

We would like to know the reason(s) for your unsatisfactory performance. Please complete the attached 'Renewal Exercise Form' and email it to Ms Siti Fatimah Mahmood at: regsfm@nus.edu.sg within ten working days from the date of this letter/email. You should also submit the relevant supporting documents, if any.

If you need financial assistance, you may consider applying for the Tuition Fee Loan [TFL] by downloading the form at: http://www.nus.edu.sg/registrar/info/financialaid/loans.htm. For enquiries on the TFL, please contact the Office of Finance at 68745051.

You may also consider applying for the NUS Study Loan [NUSSL]. You are allowed to apply for it now at: http://www.nus.edu.sg/registrar/info/financialaid.htm even though the application deadline is over. You should apply latest by end-July 2005. For enquiries on the NUSSL, please contact our Office at: 68742870/68747830.


Yours faithfully

.......................................... (Ms)
Senior Administrative Officer

Registrar's Office
National University of Singapore
University Hall

(utter shock, followed by crippling despair..this was the day before my flight back to sg)

From: Goh I-Mei
Sent: Saturday, July 16, 2005 12:53 PM
To: .................
Cc: ...................
Subject: RE: NUS/ASEAN UNDERGRADUATE SCHOLARSHIP 2004/2005


Dear Mdm,

Attached is the form required,I will personally make arrangements to come and discuss my situation with Ms Autumn Ong is possible, as i would like to appeal for the scholarship.

Regards,
Goh I-mei


(a hasty, panicked letter)

From:

Sent:
Sun 7/17/2005 3:37 PM
To:
Goh I-Mei
Cc:

Subject:
RE: NUS/ASEAN UNDERGRADUATE SCHOLARSHIP 2004/2005
Attachments:
View As Web Page

Dear I-Mei

We have considered your wish for a review of your scholarship renewal status and regret to inform you that the decision made by the scholarship administrator is final and no appeal is allowed as you do have extenuating circumstances that lead to your poor performance. You may wish to consider applying for the loan schemes to help you defray some of the costs of your education for the rest of your course.

Best regards
Autumn Ong Cheng Swee (Ms)
Senior Administrative Officer, Registrar's Office, NUS
Tel: (65) 68742319 Fax: (65) 67786371
Website: http://www.nus.edu.sg/registrar
Important: This email is confidential and may be privileged. If you are not the intended recipient, please delete it and notify us immediately; you should not copy or use it for any purpose, nor disclose its contents to any other person. Thank you.

(sheer tragedy, followed by paralysis...until wei zheng helps me construct the next email)



From: Goh I-Mei
Sent: Monday, July 18, 2005 12:07 AM
To:.......
Cc:.....
Subject: RE: NUS/ASEAN UNDERGRADUATE SCHOLARSHIP 2004/2005



Dear Madam,

Thank you for replying even on a Sunday. Please allow me to explain my poor performance again, as my submission of the review form was done in a very panicked state:

"a failure to grasp the concept of writing good academic literature essays,however towards the latter part of last semester I managed to get A’s and B+ for my essays"

This was carried forward from my first semester, as I had trouble adjusting to the rigours and style of essay-writing for the Faculty of Arts & Social Sciences. However, as I mentioned, my essays have improved greatly to the extent that I have begun to achieve A's and B+'s. I promise you that in this coming academic year, I will consistently obtain such grades for my essays and CA's

"Hall activities"

I have cut down significantly on Hall activities. In fact, I only participated in soccer in semester 2, which I knew would end by mid-January, allowing me to focus on my studies. (This is verifiable with the Raffles Hall JCRC). As mentioned, I will no longer aim to stay in Raffles Hall, and so I will devote my time to my academic progress only.

"Picked the wrong module for me -el 2101.it pulled my CAP down a lot even though I spent a lot of time on it especially for the many CA’s we had to do"

This was a mistake on my part. I will choose my modules much more carefully in the near future.

I would like to draw your attention to the fact that my semester average has improved by 0.7 from 2.8 (in Sem 1) to 3.5 (in Sem 2) (giving an overall CAP of 3.15). This is an improvement of one and a half grades. Please allow me ONE semester to display the exact same improvement again of 0.7, and my CAP will rise comfortably above 3.5; that is to say, allow me another chance so that I will obtain a semester average of at least 4.2, and my overall CAP will be at least 3.5. In fact, I aim to consistently obtain semester averages of around 4.5 so that I may ultimately graduate with at least an upper division second class honours.

I implore you to grant me probation for one more semester, even if you withhold the scholarship allowance for that semester while I prove to you that I can improve my grades so as to be worthy of the ASEAN-NUS scholarship. This is because my parents will not allow me to continue studying in NUS without the scholarship. I am aware that there are alternative forms of financing the costs of education, but my parents will not consider them. When I first got the scholarship, it was a dream come true for me because it gave me the only possible opportunity to come and study in NUS. Please give me one last chance to protect that dream and to give back to NUS by achieving excellence.

Please allow me at least an interview, so that I may convey my resolve to deliver all that I promise above.

Thank you for your time and kind attention.


Yours faithfully,
Goh I-Mei

(fingers crossed, eyes all cried out..or so i thought)

From: ............
Sent: Mon 7/18/2005 12:20 PM
To: Goh I-Mei
Cc:
Subject: RE: NUS/ASEAN UNDERGRADUATE SCHOLARSHIP 2004/2005

Dear I-Mei

I will discuss with my manager on your appeal and let you know if we can consider reviewing your appeal a 2nd time by this week. No promise at this stage as if we allow an exception, we have to do so for all other similar cases which might not be possible.



Best regards

....................... (Ms)

Senior Administrative Officer, Registrar's Office, NUS

( a glimmer of hope ..)

From: Goh I-Mei
Sent: Sunday, July 31, 2005 11:10 PM
To: ...................
Subject: RE: NUS/ASEAN UNDERGRADUATE SCHOLARSHIP 2004/2005



Dear Ms Ong,



Could you please tell me whether you have been able to consider reviewing my appeal? Is it possible for you to grant me an interview this week? Have you had the chance to read the letters of recommendation written for me by Profs Walter Lim and Valerie Wee?

The semester starts tomorrow and my parents are pressuring me about this matter. They do not want me to stay on campus, or in Singapore for that matter, any longer than I need to. I have been trying my best to persuade them to let me stay, but have met with a lot of resistance.



I really hope that you could at least reconsider my appeal. As mentioned, my appeal/review form was not completed in the best state of mind, and hope that you could put that form aside, and consider my letter dated 18 July 2005 as my proper appeal.



Thank you for your time and kind attention.





Best Regards,

Goh I-Mei

( two weeks have passed. anxiety engulfs my nights. more tears of frustration of anger at myself)

From:
...................
Sent:
Wed 8/3/2005 5:22 PM
To:
Goh I-Mei
Cc:

Subject:
RE: NUS/ASEAN UNDERGRADUATE SCHOLARSHIP 2004/2005
Attachments:


Dear I-Mei

Would you be able to come for a review session tomorrow at the office opposite the Student Service Centre, Engineering Blk E3A? You can come between 9 am – 11.30 am.



Best regards

................ (Ms)

Senior Administrative Officer, Registrar's Office, NUS


( finally finally finally, they will at least see me..more hope)

alas. at the interview, while she seemed to have faith in me and was empathetic, she told me point blank that there is no way the scholarship could be renewed this sem. She did however say that my only hope would be the very very slim possibility of them putting me on suspension which is very very rare for someone with my track record. however, due to my marked improvement she would appeal on my behalf. i very impassionately told her that i could and would seriously pull up my grades to the required 3.5. i think she felt for me. at least a bit.

after the session, i called my mum. long talk. etc. parents decide to let me stay on at NUS, one last chance.

weeks of waiting and hoping...for that suspension. it was all i could hope for. a last chance to at least get the scholarship back. and with it, my sense of worth (in a way)

From:
...................
Sent:
Fri 8/26/2005 5:19 PM
To:

Cc:

Subject:
SUSPENSION OF NUS/ASEAN UNDERGRADUATE SCHOLARSHIP AY2005/2006


Ref: R29-196/56M

Dear Student

SUSPENSION OF NUS/ASEAN UNDERGRADUATE SCHOLARSHIP AY2005/2006

We have earlier informed you that your scholarship has been terminated with effect from this Academic Year 2005/2006. However, after a further review, we have decided to SUSPEND your scholarship for Semester 1 of AY2005/2006. In the event that you are able to attain a CAP of 3.50 and above at the end of this semester, your scholarship will be reinstated as at Semester 1 of AY2005/2006. However, if you are not able to obtain a CAP of 3.50 and above at the end of this semester, your scholarship will be terminated and no further appeals will be considered.

If you need financial assistance this semester, you may consider applying for the Tuition Fee Loan [TFL]. The application form can be obtained from the Student Service Centre, Level 1, Engineering Blk E3A. You are required to bring along this email when you proceed to the Office of Finance to collect the application form. More details of this loan can be found at:

http://www.nus.edu.sg/registrar/info/financialaid/loans.htm. For enquiries on the TFL, please contact the Office of Finance at 68745051.

You may also consider applying for the NUS Study Loan [NUSSL]. To apply for it, please inform me via email latest by 31 August 2005. More details of this loan can be found at the above-mentioned website.

Best regards

......................(Ms)

Senior Administrative Officer, Registrar's Office, NUS



( I did get it. despite my horrible track record. i thank God for being so gracious. i thank autumn for bothering to help me. i thank my family for giving me another chance. i thank wei zheng for believing in me and helping me put my earnestness in words that would speak to the board. )

and thus i began my semester. my new lease of my nus career. plonked back onto this long long road. it seems prettier now though. this road. at least i get to walk it. and i know everything happens for a reason. it's week 7 of this semester. I think i'm doing okay. definitely much better than before. potential distractions are dangled before me, and everyday i face the choice of doing my work or somethign else and everyday i try to differentiate between having a little downtime and relaxing for a bit or sheer slacking. positions are offered to me, and i dodge them despite my hyper interest in it ,like being lit society events head or being a part of this year's raffles hall production or just spending a half hour more playing cards at tea. and eveyrday i try to do the right thing. i try to engage myself fully in my work. i just hope its enough and i want to double it. double the effort, double the motivation, double the determination. and i hope all of you will be rooting for me. encourage me, cheer me on and keep me in your prayers.( and please, please forgive me if i don't blog enough or chat enough or sms enough or have lunch with you enough. you know me, i would love to. and last sem, i would gladly leave my studies to listen to a troubled friend pour her heart out. but now, i have to be steadfast in pressing on towards my goal. and i hope you all understand=)..)

and this time, i'm having fun working hard..that's what the road is about,..the journey. not the destination.

brief snippets to get me going..

it's been a while. too long=p. so much so that most things which have been bubbling in me to be told would seem stale by now. where do i begin? forget it. if you're expecting a chronological update, throw that thought out the window. sorry. it just seems...nvm. just not me.

so.. a while back i spoke of venice, of austria, of olomouc where wei zheng went backpacking. he took loads of pictures of untamed daisies for me=D. for those who don't know daisies are my favourite flower.

it would be absolutely lovely to have daisies happily growing beneath my window..



aren't they pretty??







okay..more lovely landscapes which i would love to take in with my own eyes.

anddd..ta-dah. he graduated! i am so proud of him=)
doesn't he look adorable? hee.



okayy. moving on. *removes goofy grin and sappy stuff*


p/s aack. the captions didnt go where i wanted them to.. you see why i dont post many pics????

flashbacks from rag and flag 2005

reflections..palette of colours,voyage of memories..raffles hall float 0506

watch this space..

take heart for heart has returned.. and life is once again full of splendour..
shall update more real soon..=)

my new dream car

the volkswagen golf 1.6.sure its not as pretty as a BMW Z4

or a 6 series



but ,heh, i've never driven those before. i have however driven this! and its a beauty, it drives like a dream. and i love the sunroof. ahhh.i woke up early this morning before work just to wash it and make it shiny and new. its not mine though. yet. not soon i suppose=p. dad says if i stay in penang i'll get one, sounds like a bribe. i see why daddy's so passionate about his car business, he gets to drive all of them.all!.shall post an actual picture of me in it next=p.

p/s.muahahahahhahahahahaha.finally.its simple to load pics on my blog. was this feature always there??i'd feel like a real idiot if so=p

the long long road

Have you ever felt so confusedly lost, like all you ever stood for and breezed through now holds you down and mars you.keeping you captive , wrapping ur bound hands behind you and making you feel like an utter failure,failure. you who aced these paths before, you who did so well that people got so bored of it and all those years of excellence have come to this? Contemplating flinging yourself at the mercy of the scholarship board, begging them to give you yet another chance? How can my castles of sand just be swept away by the desert storm? Or was it a storm? Wasn’t the last time enough of a test? I guess I had more to learn, positioning me like this, seemingly helpless, a wilting flower slowly in the palm of a closing hand. Let the sun come and breathe new life upon me, allow me one last chance to thrust myself away and beyond this helplessness. Please.. my heart pleads. I will soar again, please let me fly once more. Please. I beseech, entreat and beg…please..i pray.

on writing..

IV. Everything You Need to Know About Writing Successfully

1. Be talented

This, of course, is the killer. What is talent? I can hear someone shouting, and here we are, ready to get into a discussion right up there with "what is the meaning of life?" for weighty pronouncements and total uselessness. For the purposes of the beginning writer, talent may as well be defined as eventual success - publication and money. If you wrote something for which someone sent you a check, if you cashed the check and it didn't bounce, and if you then paid the light bill with the money, I consider you talented.

Now some of you are really hollering. Some of you are calling me one crass money-fixated creep. And some of you are calling me bad names. Are you calling Harold Robbins talented? someone in one of the Great English Departments of America is screeching. V.C. Andrews? Theodore Dreiser? Or what about you, you dyslexic moron?

Nonsense. Worse than nonsense, off the subject. We're not talking about good or bad here. I'm interested in telling you how to get your stuff published, not in critical judgments of who's good or bad. As a rule the critical judgments come after the check's been spent, anyway. I have my own opinions, but most times I keep them to myself. People who are published steadily and are paid for what they are writing may be either saints or trollops, but they are clearly reaching a great many someones who want what they have. Ergo, they are communicating. Ergo, they are talented. The biggest part of writing successfully is being talented, and in the context of marketing, the only bad writer is one who doesn't get paid. If you're not talented, you won't succeed. And if you're not succeeding, you should know when to quit.

When is that? I don't know. It's different for each writer. Not after six rejection slips, certainly, nor after sixty. But after six hundred? Maybe. After six thousand? My friend, after six thousand pinks, it's time you tried painting or computer programming.

Further, almost every aspiring writer knows when he is getting warmer - you start getting little jotted notes on your rejection slips, or personal letters . . . maybe a commiserating phone call. It's lonely out there in the cold, but there are encouraging voices ... unless there is nothing in your words which warrants encouragement. I think you owe it to yourself to skip as much of the self-illusion as possible. If your eyes are open, you'll know which way to go ... or when to turn back.

2. Be neat

Type. Double-space. Use a nice heavy white paper, never that erasable onion-skin stuff. If you've marked up your manuscript a lot, do another draft.

3. Be self-critical

If you haven't marked up your manuscript a lot, you did a lazy job. Only God gets things right the first time. Don't be a slob.

4. Remove every extraneous word

You want to get up on a soapbox and preach? Fine. Get one and try your local park. You want to write for money? Get to the point. And if you remove all the excess garbage and discover you can't find the point, tear up what you wrote and start all over again . . . or try something new.

5. Never look at a reference book while doing a first draft

You want to write a story? Fine. Put away your dictionary, your encyclopedias, your World Almanac, and your thesaurus. Better yet, throw your thesaurus into the wastebasket. The only things creepier than a thesaurus are those little paperbacks college students too lazy to read the assigned novels buy around exam time. Any word you have to hunt for in a thesaurus is the wrong word. There are no exceptions to this rule. You think you might have misspelled a word? O.K., so here is your choice: either look it up in the dictionary, thereby making sure you have it right - and breaking your train of thought and the writer's trance in the bargain - or just spell it phonetically and correct it later. Why not? Did you think it was going to go somewhere? And if you need to know the largest city in Brazil and you find you don't have it in your head, why not write in Miami, or Cleveland? You can check it ... but later. When you sit down to write, write. Don't do anything else except go to the bathroom, and only do that if it absolutely cannot be put off.

6. Know the markets

Only a dimwit would send a story about giant vampire bats surrounding a high school to McCall's. Only a dimwit would send a tender story about a mother and daughter making up their differences on Christmas Eve to Playboy ... but people do it all the time. I'm not exaggerating; I have seen such stories in the slush piles of the actual magazines. If you write a good story, why send it out in an ignorant fashion? Would you send your kid out in a snowstorm dressed in Bermuda shorts and a tank top? If you like science fiction, read the magazines. If you want to write confession stories, read the magazines. And so on. It isn't just a matter of knowing what's right for the present story; you can begin to catch on, after awhile, to overall rhythms, editorial likes and dislikes, a magazine's entire slant. Sometimes your reading can influence the next story, and create a sale.

7. Write to entertain

Does this mean you can't write "serious fiction"? It does not. Somewhere along the line pernicious critics have invested the American reading and writing public with the idea that entertaining fiction and serious ideas do not overlap. This would have surprised Charles Dickens, not to mention Jane Austen, John Steinbeck, William Faulkner, Bernard Malamud, and hundreds of others. But your serious ideas must always serve your story, not the other way around. I repeat: if you want to preach, get a soapbox.

8. Ask yourself frequently, "Am I having fun?"

The answer needn't always be yes. But if it's always no, it's time for a new project or a new career.

9. How to evaluate criticism

Show your piece to a number of people - ten, let us say. Listen carefully to what they tell you. Smile and nod a lot. Then review what was said very carefully. If your critics are all telling you the same thing about some facet of your story - a plot twist that doesn't work, a character who rings false, stilted narrative, or half a dozen other possibles - change that facet. It doesn't matter if you really liked that twist of that character; if a lot of people are telling you something is wrong with you piece, it is. If seven or eight of them are hitting on that same thing, I'd still suggest changing it. But if everyone - or even most everyone - is criticizing something different, you can safely disregard what all of them say.

10. Observe all rules for proper submission

Return postage, self-addressed envelope, all of that.

11. An agent? Forget it. For now

Agents get 10% of monies earned by their clients. 10% of nothing is nothing. Agents also have to pay the rent. Beginning writers do not contribute to that or any other necessity of life. Flog your stories around yourself. If you've done a novel, send around query letters to publishers, one by one, and follow up with sample chapters and/or the manuscript complete. And remember Stephen King's First Rule of Writers and Agents, learned by bitter personal experience: You don't need one until you're making enough for someone to steal ... and if you're making that much, you'll be able to take your pick of good agents.

12. If it's bad, kill it
When it comes to people, mercy killing is against the law. When it comes to fiction, it is the law.

That's everything you need to know. And if you listened, you can write everything and anything you want. Now I believe I will wish you a pleasant day and sign off.

My ten minutes are up.

copyright © Stephen King

vienna,austria

last night, i slept later than i should have bearing in mind i had to wake up early to go to the market and then quickly get ready for work. however, i had some domestic matters to settle ( being the eldest girl happens to bring these sorta responsibilities with it) so,then after a leisurely shower (oodles more enjoyable than the hastened showers in the icky hostel bathroom cubicles), i got into bed and proceeded to fall asleep.that was the plan..i was thinking bout wei zheng though.as i have been. increasedly of late..missing him.wondering how he was and which part of the world he was in. i had a good weekend of leisure and among my activities was reading through his now neglected blog. it was fascinating, even more so than the first time i read it. it was like dissecting literature, it had so much substance in form and structure. it was like taking a peep at him and his life before i knew him. anyways, i was really trying to fall asleep then my handphone starts vibrating. i don't know if i was almost asleep and woke up with a jerk or was just wandering in my mind, but i grabbed my phone, answered it and it was him=D. i heard the noises from a sidewalk perhaps, people and activity swirling behind him. i imagined a sidewalk cafe amidst a quaint row of shops. he was calling from vienna, austria. yes, i do know where vienna is=p. i was thrilled to hear from him.
anyways, since i can't be there with him everytime he goes somewhere i go on the internet and look it up,read about it,look at pictures.he says he'll bring me next time. i'm looking forward to it. so,here's some of what i read bout vienna. when he was in olomouc, i went to the website too. just so i could try to imagine where he was..



vienna

-Culture

Music, theatre and opera


Art and culture have a long tradition in Vienna, in the areas of theatre, opera and the fine arts. Aside from the Burgtheater which, together with its branch, the Akademie theater is considered one of the best theatres in the German - speaking world, the Volkstheater and the Theater in der Josefstadt also offer high - quality theatre entertainment. Also, there is a multitude of smaller theatres, often equal in quality to their larger counterparts and in many cases devoted to less mainstream forms of performing arts such as modern, experimental plays or cabaret.


Vienna also offers a great many opportunities for fans of the opera: The Staatsoper and the Volksoper offer something for everyone, the latter being especially devoted to the typical Viennese operetta. Concerts of classical music are performed, among others, in the well - known Great Hall of the Wiener Musikverein and in the Wiener Konzerthaus. In addition, various concert venues offer concerts aimed at visitors, featuring the best known highlights of Viennese music (particularly the works of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart and Johann Strauss).


In recent years, the Theater an der Wien has become widely known for hosting premieres of musicals. The most successful by far was "Elisabeth" which was afterwards translated into several foreign languages and performed all over the world. With the opening of the Haus der Musik in 2000, Vienna also has a "Museum of Sound" for all ages now.


Finally, many Roman Catholic churches in central Vienna feature performances of religious or other music, including masses sung with classical music and organ.



Museums


In the Hofburg, the Sisi Museum allows visitors to see the emperor's apartments as well as the silver chamber. Directly opposite the Hofburg is the Kunsthistorisches Museum (along with Vienna's Natural History Museum) that houses multiple paintings by the old masters.


Architecture


There are buildings of all architectural styles in Vienna, from the Romanesque Ruprechtskirche to the Baroque Karlskirche, and classicist buildings all the way through to modern architecture. Likewise, Art Nouveau left many architectural traces in Vienna. The Secession, Karlsplatz Metropolitan Railway Station, and the Kirche am Steinhof by Otto Wagner rank among the best known examples of Art Nouveau in the world.


Other culture


Between Michaelerplatz and Josefsplatz is the Spanish Riding School. It is a famous equestrian school.


In terms of folk dancing, the Viennese Kathreintanz is the best known.

facade

so, we meet and part and meet again as years wear on and all at once you feel it all rush back and then not. and what is it you try to prove to yourself and to them? that time has indeed been kind to you and harsh to them? and which them, for each of them has a different inflection of hurt or is it hurt? or merely the symptoms of time and loss. for each day we lose something, each minute passes, never to be gotten again. and yet if we choose, each minute we gain and grow and prosper and laugh in the face of what time bears. so, we hold on to old hurts and though we heal, we sometimes cant stop trying to ease and make up for the past hurt. like, how a discarded girlfriend sees him later in life and still wonders if he regrets, and wishes he did. just to ease the hurt that once stung. there is a quotation, we are so vain that we even care for the opinion of those we don't care about. could it be that we really stop caring anyhows? if we did, what would it matter what he thinks. or what anyone else thinks for that matter? why do we always care so much what others think of us? old friends, new friends, acquaintances, colleagues, even people on the street who seemingly glare and stare and mock inwardly. or hostel mates, or friends of friends, and housemates of friends, and the list goes on and on and on. it should'nt matter what the one who left you thinks as long as you know what the one you're with thinks? it should'nt matter what friends who aren't really friends think as long as you know what your true friends think. it matters most, i think, what your family thinks and those closest to you. and mostly..what you yourself think of who you are and the course of your actions and the consequences which follow. and why bother always explaining to those who don't understand. just so you're not misunderstood?

musical baton..for you sherry

Total volume of music files on my computer: 5.74GB,more on my ipod.hee
The last CD I bought: hmm. passionate classics. seriously. helped tremendously during my late night,early morning study sessions and essay rushing season. (Do u noe how much a blinking CD costs in sg??)
Song playing right now: Collide-Howie Day (Sherry!!I want the rascal flatts song!!!)
Five songs I listen to a lot, or that mean a lot to me: (just what comes to mind now-not necessarily steadfast choices)
(i) Win-Brian Mcknight.my exam theme song.worked the first few times back in form 5 and form 6.seems to be fading.sighhh
(ii) You were meant for me-Jewel. It’s the 1st song that comes to mind everytime I plan to sing out loud with an audience.besides, it sounds good when I do a duet with marie or mel.
(iii) Here,There and Everywhere-The Beatles. It was song to me over the phone. I swooned,melted and jumped up and down inside simultaneously.
(iv) Canon in D-Pachelbel.it’s just so beautiful.definitely in my future wedding playlist.besides wooi min and I agree that the crescendo sounds like a soundtrack for being right below the sun,reaching out to God.We even have corresponding actions=p.drama queens.
(v) Own Me-Ginny Owens. when I want to be reminded that I belong to God.


Five people to whom I’m passing the baton:
Marie-wonder what she listens to now
Wei zheng- duh.
Mel- forcing her to choose from her many many faves
Al-he has funky taste..and he reads my blog.i think
Terrence-even funkier taste


a real post when i've regained the heart to feel and write..